Amazing Grace

"Mommy, are you crying?" Ally asks me this morning as I'm attempting to find a comfortable place in the chair but feeling like a sack of emotions.

"Yes," I whimper as enormous droplets form in my eyes and cascade over my cheeks.  They land with a dulll splash on my ever-soggy pajamas.

"Why are you crying Mommy?" She gently comes over and places her puffy soft hands on my head, careful not to touch my chest or arms.

"Mommy is sad honey."  And Ally-girl hugs my head and caresses it with kisses.  The tears showering down from my eyes.

And logically it should not be.

Recovering at Carrie and Ray's - some of the most generous and gracious people on the planet.  First day, in many days I was able to get out in the sun.

The surgery was a grand success.  No residual cancer.  That means it was gone.  Vanished.  Not detectable. No lymph node involvement.  The five months of chemo was effective - even more than the oncologist had hoped.  The day before surgery she had prepared me for other outcomes by instilling hope that there were many options and treatments available yet to destroy this cancer.

And yet I cry.

Probably over tired. Haven't slept in a bed since the hospital.  The chair helps to sit me up so the bandages and swelling aren't so uncomfortable.  Yet, not the greatest position to be in all night. So I get restless.

And my heart aches being with Ally.  When I got home last evening she was apprehensive about touching me.  And her big heart was crying great big tears.  "Mommy I'm crying.  Why am I crying?"  She has been next to me all day.  Never far away.

And I have to tell them that I will be gone again.  One day next week, but many days in the upcoming weeks. My heart is sore just with the thought of being away from Farmer husband Gary, Ben and Ally-girl.

Yet, my heart is filled with hope. More treatment - infusions, another surgery, and radiation are in store - but I have been graciously given healing.  Amazing grace. Absolutely grace.  Thank you dear God. The journey has taken another bend....

Debi and I at Chester's in Rochester celebrating a morning of great news and great prognosis.

Journey Joys: red and ripe raspberries, blueberries, growing and growing summer squash (yikes, what was I thinking?), wounds that heal, a fabulous pathology report, a reknown and amazing medical center with fabulous providers, a body that heals, sunshine, birds singing, kittens playing and making me laugh.