We sit in the second row at church in theater-like, dark blue cushioned seats. We always
have. Few, if any, sit in front of us
and so our view of the worship team and pastor is unimpeded by heads, hair,
hats, and bouncing children. We started
this practice when our children were young – it helped their wondering eyes and
thoughts focus more readily on the experience and on the Word. For me , well, it makes our big church feel
small…intimate. Just the four of us and
the pastor.
Last evening as we gathered with our church family, I was
struck with that incomparable heavenly experience again – the one that fills the soul with warmth and
meaning, with purpose and praise. The
one that gives glimmers of Hope and Presence.
A preview. Like licking the batter off the spoon from the cookie dough –
it was a taste of Goodness – leaving a longing for the Real.
The experience was sweet.
Oh, so deeply and richly sweet.
And as I sat there, my heart and mind were reminded of my
story from these past two years. I have
been shaped by the experience of cancer and cancer treatment. It is integral to
who I am and how I know and am known by God.
And I have kept it to myself.
Thinking that this intimate experience, those heavenly tastes I savored,
were too personal or overly ethereal to describe. That my words would be lacking. And in some sense perhaps that is true. How can one, truly how can anyone, describe in mere
words what it means to catch a glimpse of the Lord? To know Him more deeply?
The pastor read from I Chronicles 16:8 “Oh give thanks to
the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples.” He then stopped and repeated these words
slowly for all to ponder, “The worst thing you can do is be silent.”
And there he paused.
The words rolled over and over in my mind long after he
returned to his sermon. “….be silent…..be silent… worst thing you can do is be
silent”.
I have been silent.
The hot liquid began mounding up within my eyes, threatening
to spill in rivers. My face flushed, my breathing shallowed. The heart quickened in pace. I remembered.
I remembered.... My story. The one He wrote for me. The one I was healed to share.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all
circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (I Thessalonians
5:16-18) The wet emotion now spilling over the brim of my eyes….. How could I
have forgotten?
“…..this is very similar to what Paul said in First Thessalonians…..”
the pastor’s irenic voice penetrated my inner reverie.
And my heart pounded harder. His words, the exact ones I had just “reheard” in my
thoughts – his words saturated and refuted my excuses and my long distractions.
“I will write it. I
will not be silent any longer.”
Today's Journey Joys: reflections of presence, warm and wonderful heat in the midst of winter cold, children playing the Wii, salty sweet pretzels, mounds of shredded paper, and an old but fresh pillow for our outside rough and tumble cat "Snowy".... all curled up and sleeping.
