I slept so well last evening. Thank you for praying. It was the best night of sleep I've had in weeks. Perhaps it was the pitter-patter of our first big spring rain. Or the distant rumble of deep thunder. But I slept well.
I have completed what I've termed "round one" or "phase one" of my treatment. Four cycles of Herceptin and Perjetta accompanied with twelve straight weeks of paclitaxol. Next Monday I travel to Mayo for some heart tests and consultations with oncology, general surgery and plastics on Tuesday. It is during this visit when I need to decide between single or bilateral mastectomy, timing and type of reconstruction, and even whether I want to have the mastectomy surgery done there or locally. These are huge decisions and I am feeling overwhelmed. How can I know what is best? I really don't like any of the options (ok, I'm carking again). I am conflicted between having surgery here and staying close to my family and getting, what I believe to be, exceptional care at Mayo, four hours away. And I am frightened by being alone for surgery. But perhaps Farmer Husband and family can take a few days of vacation this summer and visit the Cities while I'm hanging out in Rochester. I'm catastrophizing over nothing probably.
I'm just trying to do the best thing.
And the Road has so many forks. And once down one, the others are closed or not clear to traverse until much further down the path.
What I do know is that after I get back from Mayo next week I will have a few days before "round two" starts. This chemotherapy regimen is comprised of dose dense Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The folks at the infusion center tell me this cocktail is a little harder. More nausea, fatigue, and gastrointestinal side effects. Likely to have some shifts in my blood counts - white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets, protein, and hemoglobin. Some of these counts are starting to fall already after these first twelve weeks. But for the most part they have been very close to "normal". Dr. Ch. says she will also give me a shot of Neulasta to boost my immune system. This too has some side effects. And in the midst of the first cycle of this new medicine I must travel for work for a few days.
"Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) - a verse which keeps rolling in my heart and mind. And a reminder that, "Never once, did you ever walk alone..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ocd8mbGNxdI
"Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we know not where we go, we know with whom we go. With such a companion, who will dread the perils of the road? The journey may be long, but His everlasting arms will carry us to the end." ~ Spurgeon
Today's Journey Joys - slow soaking rain on just-planted onions, friends for lunch dates, tomatoes almost ready to plant, new carpeting in the other house - warm on the toes, restorative rest.
