On Tuesday, as you probably recall, I had my first round of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. No problems getting it although I did pee pink the first time I voided (the Adriamycin is red). After about three hours I went home and all was well.
Today is Monday, and although my energies which I put into planting, painting, and re-staining the deck this past weekend probably are part of the problem.... I, ah....well, I don't feel so well today. My joints and marrow hurt - literally. The chest is tight; the heart periodically palpitating; the stomach goo-ey; and the mouth metallic and without taste buds. I am weary I think. Tears come to my eyes in a moment. Any moment.
I can deal with the nausea and the fatigue.... it's the pain that has me laid low. I'm such a wimp.
I took an hour nap today which was comforting at the time... yet the discomfort persists and worsens. How can I do this well? How can I respond with grace and love? How can I be "rejoicing always"?
"I want my smiling mommy." Ally announces at the kitchen table this morning. And I force a smile. It takes a lot of precious and sparse energy. But I do it and she smiles back.
Today's Journey Joys: beautiful rain on just planted potatoes, Ben getting a 35 on his ACT at 15 years old, Ally girl dodging rain drops, soaked feathered chickens, turtle pie, no mouth sores.
Melancholy
I shouldn't write when I'm feeling like this. Emotionally fragile and oscillating between tears, fears, and frustration. Yet ...
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