Ah.... not doing so well

On Tuesday, as you probably recall, I had my first round of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. No problems getting it although I did pee pink the first time I voided (the Adriamycin is red).  After about three hours I went home and all was well.

Today is Monday, and although my energies which I put into planting, painting, and re-staining the deck this past weekend probably are part of the problem.... I, ah....well, I don't feel so well today.  My joints and marrow hurt - literally.  The chest is tight; the heart periodically palpitating; the stomach goo-ey; and the mouth metallic and without taste buds.  I am weary I think.  Tears come to my eyes in a moment. Any moment.

I can deal with the nausea and the fatigue.... it's the pain that has me laid low.  I'm such a wimp.

I took an hour nap today which was comforting at the time... yet the discomfort persists and worsens.  How can I do this well?  How can I respond with grace and love?  How can I be "rejoicing always"?

"I want my smiling mommy." Ally announces at the kitchen table this morning.  And I force a smile.  It takes a lot of precious and sparse energy.  But I do it and she smiles back.

Today's Journey Joys:  beautiful rain on just planted potatoes, Ben getting a 35 on his ACT at 15 years old, Ally girl dodging rain drops, soaked feathered chickens, turtle pie, no mouth sores.