The days are lengthening. Yet the weather is cold and white. Through the icy window I study the landscape where inches of snow pile in drifts and peaks. A few dark lumps penetrate the field. The sky is gray and wintry.
Does the soil rest well in winter? Does it long for the warm sun, penetrating rains, and new growth as I do? What is it saying? Can it sense the changes in the season? Is it longing for spring? The fields give no expression to discontent. They simply rest...wait....embrace the day. It is me who struggles.
If only.....
If only the weather were warmer. If only the sky was blue and the sun were shining. If only I could start my seedlings. If only I didn't work outside the home or farm. If only my children's schedules fit mine. If only the days were longer. If only I had an organized home. If only I enjoyed grocery shopping. If only the body didn't get old or stiff.
If only...
The "if only's" imprison me from joy. They leave me discouraged, dishevelled, and defeated. A repeating canker that eats away at my heart and my strength. Arg.
Contentment. To be joyfully resting and waiting. To want what I have; not have what I may want.
If only.... it were that easy. A choice, a decision, a willing. But it must start there. It must. It is a choice.
......And then it will be a thread, a pattern, a lifestyle.
"But godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Timothy 6:6)
Melancholy
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