Recovering

I am tired.

Shooting intermittent, unanticipated, and unpredictable pain grabs my left chest area and axilla.....as though someone were pouring burning hot water on the skin.  It only lasts seconds.  Takes my breath away.  And I moan...grimace.

It happens more at night. Perhaps my positioning makes the nerves more susceptible to whatever stimulation is causing the hot and penetrating sensation.  And so I do not sleep. Not well anyway. Oh.... so tired.

My chest wall is bright red with splotchy areas of peeling skin.  Some areas have infected areas which ooze a sticky yellowish fluid which then dries on my ever-so-soft camisole.  But then when I take the camisole off, the skin peels with it and then bleeds.

This is not what I expected to happen after my radiation was done.  During perhaps; but not after.

I'm pretty sure this is not what is supposed to be happening.  Not desired. Yet nevertheless, I continue to gently rub the Damore and Aquafor creams on in the hope that they will heal the skin more rapidly.  I placed an email to my plastic surgeon who apparently sent some medicine into the pharmacy.  I'll have to get it tomorrow after I drop Ben off at school.  They are closed now.  I'll pick up some of those non-adhering dressings as well so that my skin won't keep getting damaged.

Today's Journey Joys:  Safe and pleasant drive to work (2.5 hours away), good connections with colleagues, Katy who picked up and cared for kids, sun slides of light through clouds, warm homes on a cool evening in early autumn.

What I'd like to do now that radiation is done.....

• Snuggle and read a book with Ally. Go for nice walks hand in hand.
• Take Ben out to Whitey’s for his favorite amazing chocolate, marshmallow, Butterfinger shake concoction.
• Go out to dinner with Gary.  Just the two of us all dressed up.
• Clean the kitchen. That means the lazy Susan cupboard too!
• Buy two wardrobes for our “bedroom”. Get our clothes in there.
• Whack down the weeds in the hoop house.  And clean the hoop house out.
• Plant beets, carrots, lettuce, and spinach in the hoop house for the fall and early winter.
• Whack down all the weeds around and outside the hoop house.
• Harvest the potatoes and onions, pumpkins and squash.
• Make blueberry syrup and jelly.
• Make raspberry jelly and jam.
• Make wild grape and Concord grape jelly.
• Make dinner.  Monthly or weekly menu planning.  Eat healthy.
• Exercise every day – 2 to 4 miles of walking (in my fashionable and comfortable new Asics 2000s).
• Get old carpeting for the blueberries and lay them in the field for mulch and weed prevention.
• Help Gary chop wood for the winter.
• Write a journal article on this breast cancer journey.
• Re-caulk the bathroom tub.  Scrape and paint the ceiling.
• Clean the chicken coop (OK, I don’t want to do this but it should be done anyway).
• Clean off the front porch. Make a sitting, resting, meditating area.
• Make flower boxes for the chicken coop. One big one under all the windows and one small one by the door. Dream about cascading flowers and variegated foliage.
• Install a large fenced in chicken range attached to the chicken coop.
• Dream about flowers and vegetables for next year’s market.  (What a pleasant activity!)
• Make every Friday night “Family Night” – pizza, popcorn, movie or game night with the whole family. Laugh and love more.
• Make dinners with Ben and Ally.  Involved them in the kitchen.  Teach them to follow and create recipes.
• Write a book.  1 Thess 5:16-18 and all that I have and am learning…. Rejoice, give thanks, pray.
• Memorize scripture.  Start or join a bible study.
• Meet and love on my girlfriends – Kathy, Katy, Debi, Teri, Stacy, Terese, and more. 
• See if there are professional opportunities in oncology offices.
• Ministry in the “women and child center” or…?
• Rest more, love more, reflect more, be more. 
• Learn how to make a pie crust.
• Find and be thankful for one thing in everyone I meet that is praiseworthy and true.
• Make my bed.

The Tolling of the Bell

Ring out! 

Ring this bell

 Three times well

 The toll to clearly say

My treatments are done

Its course is done

 And I am on my way!

The radiation "machine" which zapped me 25 times over 5 weeks.  The whole things pivots and turns.

My pink hat on and I'm resting my arms in a form mold made on the first day of the "simulation".  I eventually will also have goggles on for watching my breathing and holding my breath during the treatments and a blue "cold" plastic-like cover called a breast mold placed on me.  But modesty prevented me from having my photo taken in that "get up".

I'm done!
  I rang that bell like I was on board my ol' Navy ship.  Loud and sharp.  And we all cheered...Katy and I and the 25 folks in the waiting room.....thrilled to be done.

Dear Katy came the whole 250+ miles to be with me while I rang the bell.  It was such a special time with her being there.  Words can not express the gratitude and tremendous joy I felt.  An unexpected sojourner and dear friend in life's journey.

Today's Journey Joys: Katy - truly an unforeseen friend when I started this cancer journey. Now I don't know what I would have done without her.  A God-send indeed. "Thank You Lord for the many dear friends who have walked with me, supported, laughed, and cried, prayed and rejoiced with me.  You are faithful!"